Admit it: it’s tempting to attempt to discover what’s going on in someone else’s head; even more so when that someone is your very own child. App developers understand this temptation very well and that is why numerous digital spying and monitoring tools exist. And such software is rather popular among parents.

According to recent studies, 75 percent of parents have looked through their teenager’s or child’s device. It is worth mentioning that curiosity is not the only reason why parents are tempted to invade their kid’s privacy online. The majority of those who have admitted to snooping through their child’s electronics said that they did it because they were worried about their kid’s safety online.

From a parent’s perspective, this makes perfect sense: we all want the best for our children and to keep them out of harm’s way. We will even deprive them of their privacy to do so. In fact, 60 percent of parents interviewed by ParentWise said that they believe that kids don’t have a right to privacy when it comes to their electronics.

‘But is this the right thing to do?’, some readers may ask, kids and parents included. How ethical is it to infringe on your kid’s privacy? Even if it means keeping them safe?

Of course, parents have a good reason to be worried. Over 30% of teens admitted that they have been lured into something shady online. Parents have every right to want to prevent their kids from going too far and engaging in some kind of illegal activity online. But then again, not all teenagers do things they aren’t supposed to when on their devices. The majority of teens engage in activities they have no reason to hide from others.

Do it?

Even if you feel that your annoying teenager does not deserve the right to use their smartphone in privacy, try to place yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if your employer did the same thing with you? This isn’t such an unlikely possibility, after all. A number of employers do use software to spy on employees at their workplace.

If we were to use the same logic that parents use when opting to monitor their kids, employers have every right to spy on their staff at work. Company owners want the best for their company, in terms of profit and prosperity, and for that they need to make sure that all company procedures are being carried out as desired. As a result, managers may opt to monitor their employees’ work stations to be certain that each person is working to the best of their ability and not slacking away or sharing confidential information with their company’s  competitors.

So, how would you feel if you found out that you were one of these employees whose every move online is being watched? You’d feel mistrusted, undervalued, dominated.

Now, think of your teenager finding out that their parents don’t trust them enough to allow them to have some privacy when using their electronic device. They would be destroyed and chances are that you will lose their trust forever and that your relationship with your child will never be the same.

Having all this in mind, there are some parents who still think that remotely monitoring their teenager does much more good than harm. Perhaps, you’re convinced that by invading their privacy you’re preventing them from someday being the victim of a cybercrime. Or the case may be that in addition to being worried for your young one’s safety, curiosity has got the best of you and you’re confident that your teenager will never discover that they’re being watched on.

Whatever your reason for using spy software, several options exist for you. A detailed review of the best three digital spying tools can be found here. However, prior to making the decision to invade your child’s privacy or not, the consequences of each option should be carefully weighed.

Pros

Parents, and potentially kids as well, may agree that there are several advantages to monitoring a teenager’s activity online. The main benefit is the safety aspect. If you can see everything that is going on your kid’s phone, you will definitely notice when something begins to go astray. You will be able to prevent your child from being taken advantage of online if you have access to every message they send and every activity they engage in. You may even save your child’s life this way. According to statistics, 20% of teenagers bullied online consider suicide and a number of them go as far as attempting it.

Also, it’s probably a well-known fact by now that teens go everywhere with their phones, even to use the bathroom. As a result, should your child go missing, you will easily be able to locate them, by means of digital spying software.

In addition, since children have less experience than us grownups, they may unintentionally put themselves at risk online by sharing personal info. If you are aware that they’re sharing something they shouldn’t be, you can easily help protect your tween’s privacy by talking to them about the risks of doing so.

There is also an alternative for those who wish to protect their youngsters without being too invasive. Some family counselors suggest that instead of snooping on their teenagers, parents should educate their kids about the dangers and how to stay safe online. However, some may think that simply teaching kids about what’s wrong and what’s right is not enough. Our children go through a lot of things that they would never think of sharing with their caregivers. Therefore, a suggestion is to install ‘safety apps’ instead of monitoring software. Such apps pick up words that may cause problems for your child in the future. For example, if your child sends a message or conducts a google search including the word ‘suicide’, the safety app will notify you.

So, now that you are aware of all the possible alternatives, the choice is really up to you. You can let your kid roam wild online and learn to be responsible on their own or you can watch their every step. You can also opt for something in between. Whatever your decision may be, just make sure that you’re aware of all the potential consequences and whether or not the option you choose is the best for you and your teen. Experts also recommend for parents to be open with their children when it comes to online monitoring.

While the impact of the digital era and its many temptations on teens and children has been a major concern on many levels throughout the world, and with good reason, the effect of parents distracted by digital devices on the teens and children has yet to become a cause for as much concern. What is the actual problem? Haven’t parents been distracted for ages now – just imagine a 1950s dad behind a newspaper or a 1970s mom on the phone or watching a soap opera, not to be disturbed.

Granted, children and teens are easily drawn into the virtual world, and adults worry that they may get lost in this virtual space, abandoning the familiar reality. But make no mistake about it – adults are also very vulnerable to the influence of social media and other online attractions, and there are no limits set by an authority figure, like we set for our children. While there are, of course, undoubtable benefits to online presence for both adults and children, the interpersonal relationships suffer most when a digital overdose is the case.

Parenting in the digital age

In case of parenting, the effect is most devastating when there is an infant involved, one who doesn’t yet have his or her own device to escape into, who is expecting interpersonal feedback from their significant adults. It’s been conclusively proven that the absence of or insufficient psychological connections in infancy have a negative effect on cognitive and emotional development. It really is something that can hardly be replenished later on in life, it’s something that has to be provided when it’s required. Parents aren’t, of course, entirely unaware of the fact that they may often be overinvolved with their devices, but the feelings of guilt aren’t a very positive factor in the upbringing of children either. The situation hardly changes, and the quality of parent-child interactions, while difficult to measure in any way but subjectively, has gone down considerably in the two recent decades. Older children and teens also need undivided attention of their parents, not as much as the infants, but just as desperately.

Of course, scientists have to be careful not to be alarmist, and not necessarily attribute a causative effect to something that may be merely a correlation or an associated risk. But there are some basic statistics, such as the fact that, depending on the specific study data, an average adult in the United States check their smartphone between 80 and 200 times a day. The effect that technology has on our lives has gained the name of technoference, and there’s more of it in our lives every day. The fact that they are disruptive has also been established, but what can be done about it if you do find it alarming?

Potential solution

Family tech contracts are one solution to the problem if all of the family members agree that it technoference is a problem and are willing to make certain sacrifices in order to manage it. Such a contract would delineate how much screen time everyone in the family gets, and it’s best supplemented by some sort of an agreement by all family members to spend more quality time together in the good old-fashioned way, with no devices required to enjoy the experience. Board games, a stroll, dinner and a conversation are very basic things that everyone can enjoy – or learn to enjoy if it’s something that hasn’t been a part of a family’s routine prior. Devices or not, communication is still the most important part of interpersonal relationships, and it always will be – before singularity dawns, and we become a part of a huge beehive-like conscience, if that ever happens, as the futurologists are predicting.

Learning to lie is a normal part of growing up. Young kids tell very clumsy lies, but teenagers can become quite adept at it. Learning to see when your children are lying to you is the key to keeping them safe both online and offline: after all, you may not even know they are at risk! Here we offer a few tips.

Listen to the talk

If you suspect that your children are spending time on dangerous websites, you may want to confront them about it. Unfortunately, studies show that parents are unwilling to believe their kids are lying to them – it is our natural bias to think that our kids are better and more truthful than those of other people. However, there are clues that allow to spot a lie . Watch out for these signs:

• Unnecessarily detailed explanations – the kid will try to make the story more believable by adding details;
• High pitch – people tend to talk in a higher voice when they are anxious or insecure, since their vocal chords stiffen;
• Trying to change the topic;
• Stuttering;
• Inability to repeat the story – ask your kid to tell it again, and see if the details match;
• A show of anger or “insulted innocence” if accused of lying (this is very often found in adults, too);
• Repeating your questions (trying to gain time to invent a lie).

Watch the face

Lying makes the person tense and even fearful, eliciting many involuntary physical responses . However, keep in mind that these signs may signify general anxiety or discomfort, not necessarily lying (you can read more here):

• Nodding when saying “no” or shaking the head when saying “yes”;
• Blushing because of the inflow of blood to the face caused by the fight-or-flight response of the body (the fear of getting caught);
• Touching nose, ears, and lips (the feeling of stress and danger causes the blood to rush to the face, making one feel an itch);
• Avoiding eye contact – keep in mind that simply looking down may also signify sadness, while looking aside may mean trying to avoid or ignore the problem;
• Microfacial expressions – these are involunary and last for a split second, but you may be able to spot surprise or fear on your child’s face (more on reading expressions here😉
• Expression of relief when the topic is changed – try to start talking about something else and see what happens.

Body language clues

• Fidgeting – this is a way to relieve the stress
• Shifting the anchor points – if your kid is standing, he or she may start moving the feet; if they are sitting, watch out for the kid shifting in his or her seat;
• Trying to create distance by crossing arms or legs (however, this may also signify emotional distancing);
• Trying to cover oneself or to appear smaller; some people cover their mouth.
• Trembling – this is often found in children who are not used to lying.

Put it all together

Just one of two of these signs are not a proof that your child is lying to you, but if you observe several at the same time, it is a cause for concern. Recent research shows that people’s brain becomes better at lying when they do it often. For this reason, it is important to spot your children’s lies while you still can. Of course, you should also be a good role model for your kids and show them the importance of telling the truth. And while it is essential to know how to keep your kids safe online, establishing an honest dialogue with them may make spy software unnecessary.

Bullying is something that everyone has to face during childhood years to a certain extent. Do you know what it feels like getting a punch or kick from your playground- or school mate? Hurts as hell, both physically and mentally, doesn’t it? It feels just as bad if you are a parent of a child who is getting bullied. Believe it or not, the technological boom has paved the way for a kind of high-tech bullying, which is called cyberbullying.

What is cyberbullying?

This type of bullying is just as common among today’s kids as traditional bullying was among those from a distant past. They have just one thing in common: it hurts really bad.

Cyberbullying is intentional actions aimed at hurting and embarrassing other people with the use of advanced communication tools (cell/smartphones, PCs, etc.) and . These actions include:

• Sending hurtful and insulting messages to another person with the use of email, instant messengers, etc.
• Sending messages repetitively and persistently.
• Sharing private, delicate, and personal information about someone with others or posting it in social media.
• Hacking someone else’s profile and writing to others on the profile owner’s behalf.
• Gossiping about someone in multiple chats.
• Threatening someone online on a regular basis.
• Sharing someone else’s pictures, avatars, etc. (including embarrassing ones) with others without his or her consent.

These activities (to name a few) are considered cyberbullying if they are downright deliberate and are committed on a repeatedly.

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Different stats data suggests that 25-50% of teenagers and adolescent people say they have confronted this or that form of bullying via phone or online.

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Who is at risk and why it hurts

There is hardly a kid with a hundred-per-cent guarantee against bullying and/or cyberbullying. However, there are categories of kids who run a higher risk of getting cyberbullied. These include children with health issues, physical disabilities, some behavioral issues, as well as those dealing with learning problems. In other words, a kid, who looks or acts in but a slightly different way than others, is more likely to be targeted. Those who get bullied regularly tend to grow reserved, develop low self-esteem, suffer severe frustration and often slide into depression. There is another problem as well: more than 50% of young people prefer not to tell their parents or other people about the problem.

What can we do about it?

This is the case to say: prevention is the best cure. It takes a complex approach to deal with the problem. It should involve at least children themselves, their parents, and teachers. In addition to measures taken to prevent traditional bullying, the cyberbullying issue also implies education on how to use technical devices properly.

Most important, children and their parents must be aware of why cyberbullying is bad and what consequences it may entail for both victims and perpetrators. Particularly, it won’t hurt to discuss with a kid why it is dangerous to share a password with even his or her best friend or let everyone in on your other little secrets. It takes quite a bit of coordination for children themselves, parents and school to raise awareness.

It is important that the feeling of security of being safely away from your victim is illusionary: laws are keeping up with the reality, and any such activity can entail a serious punishment! Therefore, victims should not be reluctant to report such cases to their parents, friends, and, if necessary, to police. The cyber life is part of real life!

Working with perpetrators is crucial! Particularly, every opportunity should be used to teach a perpetrator a lesson of empathy by letting them what it feels like being insulted, threatened and/or bullied otherwise. This does not mean that you should do the same thing to them! It would be reasonable to use explanatory methods of letting them know how words and actions influence victims.

Always try to save copies of text, images and other pieces of evidence!