To Spy or not to Spy?

Like it or not, it is a surveillance society, at least from a technological standpoint. If you feel suspicious or distrustful toward someone you love, there are tons of opportunities to check if your suspicions are justified or not. We leave behind numerous traces like chat messages, which can be hacked and read by a third person, and this is usually the last thing we think about at the moment. However, this is a kind of activity that can cause trouble. So, prior to going for something like that, please, think twice if the game is really worth the candle.


             1. Spying can cause pain. If you are experiencing an urge to look through your partner’s messages or websites he or she has visited recently, it is not unlikely that you will find what you are looking for. That’s like ripping open an already bleeding wound. The urge itself is a sign that your relationship is in a rickety state.

             2. Once you find some grounds to believe that something is being kept back from you, there are still things you are not aware of. This whole thing triggers emotions, which you can hardly control at the moment. In a situation like this we tend to jump to conclusions and misinterpret the information. There is a good chance that you will get hurt yourself and hurt your partner, who was preparing a romantic surprise for you.

            3. If you feel like there is no choice for you but to spy, you will get hurt regardless of your findings. Finally seeing what you have been looking for is very painful. So is seeing nothing, because it fuels your suspicions and makes you want to continue and take even more radical steps like stalking your partner in his/her way to work or elsewhere.

             4. There is a common misconception that spying calms down. It does not! Vice versa, it makes things worse. Spying results from a feeling of doubt and insecurity, and the further you go, the more painful it gets. Instead, it is advisable to take a break and think about what has triggered doubts and maybe try self-improvement and make yourself more attractive for your significant other!

             5. Even if you do eventually find incriminating truth, what you have done (the spying) makes you as deceitful as your partner is. Spying is no less dishonest an activity than cheating.

            6. This one is pretty simple: when deciding whether or not to look through someone else’s messages, ask yourself – would you like to have your SMS, ICQ, Skype, Instagram, etc. messages read by someone? Probably, not!

             7. Spying is extremely addictive! Once you start, it carries you away and you can hardly stop. In case you eventually find something, you will want more. If you don’t, you will keep trying until you ‘succeed’. Either way, this will not end well for your relationship!

             8. If you realize that spying is the only solution, you have to admit that you do not trust your partner any more. Trust is a foundation for a healthy and lasting relationship. Logically, once the foundation collapses, so does the structure resting on it.

9. One day, he/she will find out that you have spied on him/her. This is going to be one of your worst experiences in life. After that, your relation will never be the same!

              10. Finally, wanting to look through someone else’s private information signifies lack of self-trust. This is pretty much a victim’s way of living a life, which makes you vulnerable to the hardships and rigors of life.


This is not to teach you a lesson on how to build and maintain a good relationship. This is to emphasize that we have entered an era when sophisticated technologies are readily available, and there are much better ways of using them than trespassing on your loved one’s private area. Like, for example, sending an incognito declaration of love with a funny and beautiful picture or invitation to a romantic place!